I remember the moment my weight issues started. It was the summer after 8th grade. Growing up, I wasn’t the smallest kid, I’d say maybe a little bit bigger than average but I don’t remember having any hang-ups – that is until I saw a photo of myself in my bathing suit when I was 14. I was only 145 pounds so maybe it was the angle or the suit or a food baby but that’s when the struggle began. I don’t think I’ve looked at myself in the mirror since and liked what I saw. Fast forward 20+ years and 55 pounds, the struggle continues…
How much weight would I like to lose? Honestly, I don’t think about it in terms of a number. I would like to be able to comfortably wear denim shorts and a bikini top on the beach. I want to be able to climb “the rope” all the way to the top (with or without knots) and jog around the track one time. These are things I’ve NEVER been able to do – not even as a kid. But honestly, if I could just get out of the Plus section and be able to walk in any store and just find my size, I’d consider the Battle of the Bulge hard fought and won! Man, I swear I’d keep working towards the dream but a 9/10? Psh,
I’d probably cry if that ever happened. I’ll probably cry WHEN that happens.
As an adult, I’ve tried losing weight many times. If insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then I’m pretty much certifiable. I start strong, go from 0 to 100 overnight – successfully for a while, quit and return to my old ways.
- Eating whatever I want whenever I want
→Planning every meal and eating super healthy all the time.
- Zero physical activity
→Trying to get 10k steps a day and hitting the gym three times a week.
- Hardly ever cooking
→Cooking almost daily
- Spending no time on getting healthy
→Getting healthy is a second full time job.
Tracey (Health Coach) thinks that the reasons I haven’t been successful are because I my goals are too aggressive and “negative self talk.” Being a completely out of shape perfectionist with no patience doesn’t help much either. I didn’t tell her that. Too negative. lol. She’s be right but sometime shit is what it is.
SO… How do I put a stop to all the crazy? What can I do differently this time around?
The short – I try to keep things positive and I’ve completely changed the way I think about weight loss.
The long – I’ve recognized that my failures in the past are more a result of how I think about weight loss and having a healthier lifestyle – not just my actions. Even though I’ve gotten results, my thought processes set me on a path to failure every time and I never even realized it. Now, my instincts are spot on – I should eat healthy, get more exercise, and dedicate more time. But I’m realizing these are goals to work towards, not actions on a checklist I can cross out and move to the next thing. It took 23 years and 55 pounds to get to my current level of physical fitness. That’s not going to change with a checklist and some Adipex.
Also, and this is a recent epiphany I have Pastor Johnson to thank for – He preached a sermon on achievements that really got me to thinking. When a person gets to a level they are not ready for, they can’t handle it. In my head, I’ve been telling myself when I start thinking negative or become disappointed in myself because I’m not where I want to be – it’s about Progress not perfection. And that’s correct. Beating myself up for not being perfect has never gotten me any place good. BUT now there’s something else to consider. Maybe there are things that I need to learn at level 20, 30, 40 that will prepare me for when I get to level 100. Going right to Level 100 in the past hasn’t worked because I wasn’t ready for it. So now, in addition to staying positive and taking things slow, I’m trying to enjoy the journey more. Reminding myself that there are things that I can learn as I progress – skills and tools that I can acquire so when I reach the level of success I aspire to, I can stay there.